Extra! Extra!

Extra extra extra extra extra extra exxxxxxxtra! Ohmigod did she just say extra? In my head, I was TOTALLY thinking extra, that's soooo weird. Ohmigod, don't you think that's, like, so weird that we were thinking extra at the same exact milinanosplitsecond? Maybe we're soulmates! Does your throat feel weird? Duuuuude my throat feels soOoOoo weird. Yo, my wings feel really crazy. I feel all crazy! ican'tstoptalking! Do you want me to stop talking? Do you think I should stop talking now? Are you sure? because i can stop talking if it's annoying you. I really love you. No, seriously. like LOVE love. Ohmigod ohhhmiiiigod, extra. Extra! Extra! Exxxxxtra!

Read all about it:

In 2k9, the New York Times will only cover breaking news stories.

Buzz has a whole new meaning now that scientists are giving bees cocaine. ["Puns only, in the ledes now, people!"]

The scientists found that bees react much like humans do: cocaine alters their judgment, stimulates their behavior and makes them exaggeratedly enthusiastic about things that might not otherwise excite them. [Should be great for the honey business.]

What’s more, bees exhibit withdrawal symptoms. When a coked-up bee has to stop cold turkey, its score on a standard test of bee performance (learning to associate an odor with sugary syrup) plummets. ["Use the word 'coked-up.' I read in an AOL parenting forum that it's the word the kids are using these days."]

And now, for the poetry:

On cocaine the bees “danced more frequently and more vigorously for the same quality food,” Dr. Barron said. “They were about twice as likely to dance” as undrugged bees, and they circled “about 25 percent faster.”

The bees did not dance at the wrong time or place. Cocaine only made them more excited about the food they found. That’s like “when a human takes cocaine at a low dose,” Dr. Barron said. “They find many stimuli, but particularly, rewarding stimuli, to be more rewarding than they actually are.”