Spoiler alert

I don't sleep, which frees up a lot of time. While I was in college, I used my extra time to talk about how much homework I had and to improve my dead-end career path skills at the newspaper. Now that academia's out of my way, I've been using my extra time to watch TV on the Computer. Sometimes I'll watch up to thirty hours a week, which sounds like a lot, but I'm more productive than any of you are; you should constantly be reminding yourselves of that.


I suppose I could just watch TV on the TV, which I do sometimes when I want to have a "cultural experience." But most of the choices are American sitcoms dubbed over in French and they're four seasons behind (Must. Keep. French. People. Thinking. Friends. Is. Still. On. The. Air.). However, one of the more interesting, version-française options is La Roue de la Fortune, or Wheel of Fortune, on TF1.

La Roue de la Fortune embodies the perturbing spirit of French TV programming. Par exemple, Vanna White is played by former Playboy centerfold Victoria Silvstedt.

This is the only SFW image of her on the Internets and I think someone Photoshopped it together.

Victoria developed her interest in TV as a teenager:

"Early life and career
Silvstedt claimed that at the age of 16 she competed in a "Best Fake Orgasm" contest at a local bar. The contestants were Silvstedt and 10 men. She won a brand-new TV. When she came home, she told her mother she won it at a game of bingo." - Wikipedia, 2k9

On La Roue de la Fortune, Victoria is regularly one-letter-turn-away from a wardrobe malfunction. She carries a chihuahua and le Pat Sajak gets in approximately 88 misogynistic jokes per episode. Although I love a rousing competition, I prefer my TV with a bit more mental and not erectile stimulation.

Thus, TV on the Computer is a phenomenon amongst those of us living abroad. NBC and ABC dot coms don't work outside of the U.S. (heard Obama's going to change that) and sometimes your precious American Entertainment isn't even viewable on YouTube from the great Third World country of France.


This all started because I just had to watch Grey's Anatomy. But as distressing as it is to admit, I think that Grey's has jumped the shark, attempted to re-jump it, has been swallowed alive and that the current plotline is taking place in the shark's intestines where the globs of shark shit are taking form and are waiting to be excreted on either Ellen Pompeo's, Sandra Oh's and/or Katherine Heigl's equally stupid looking face(s).

I've been a patient, even generous, viewer, tuning in to watch developments that even with my exhaustive lexicon can only be referred to as utterly retarded (i.e. falling icicles, serial killers, sex with ghosts). Also, apparently the series is only being filmed at night now...did you notice that? Probably not because no one watches it anymore/I definitely need to pull the plug.


Lately, grâce à Emma, I've been hanging out with Nancy Botwin and Conrad (who played MC Hammer in Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story, how did they find him!). Weeds makes me feel that as a white woman, I can accomplish anything, including 100k on a drug deal and walking to Tijuana through a tunnel that starts in the floor of my SoCal Maternity World franchise. Weeds is empowering, yall! And Kevin Nealon's performance, uproarious.

Stanley Kubrick and Mary-Louise Parker Posey

Srsly tho,

I'll watch some Desperate Housewives or The Office here and there, the occasional SATC as I reminisce about my youth/when my parents would pay for HBO/u kno; but sadly, my TV on the Computer time is coming to an end. Yes, that's right. I'm moving back to your side of the sitcom curve where I probably won't even watch TV on the TV, anyway, as I try to feign some sort of responsible existence. America, America! Coming in February. To be continued...